


Winter's Embrace

by dontbecooler



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Flashbacks, Hurt, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Steve Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-20 00:42:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3630273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontbecooler/pseuds/dontbecooler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Today the water felt different. It wasn't the usual swearing and cursing until Steve sorted it out cold, it wasn't even that manageable 'I can tough it out' cold. To Bucky, it was the cold he was so awfully familiar with. The one that paced the depths of his thoughts, the one that never had the courage to terrorize him unless he was asleep.</p><p>It was the cold that had claimed Bucky when he'd fallen off the train.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Winter's Embrace

**Author's Note:**

> Heck yeah more things!! You know how school sucks? Yeah, well, that's a thing still. Luckily my friend is arty and we've promised an art swap. Painting for Pictures yay. Don't know if the picture will go in but hopefully it does. I'm writing this notes thing before I try and get it working. I'll post a link in the dooblidoo if it doesn't :) Either way, 
> 
> ENJOYXX

The day had started off normally enough. Steve had woken him up for a run with the sickeningly cheery call that was all too familiar now, and that'd been fine.  
  
Then they'd gone to the library, catching up on things they'd missed. Bucky had pulled Steve away with the lure of coffee just as he had started relating a little bit too well with the elderly librarians childhood. Relaxing, calm, simple things that weren't cause for panic, exhaustion or stress. Bucky hadn't had a severe attack for a long time, not since he'd turned up on Steve's doorstep, a cracked yet mending reflection of the Sargent he had used to be.  
  
It was when he'd gotten into the shower after Steve that evening, that was when it happened. Steve had managed to use all the hot water, _again_ , except today... Today the water felt different. It wasn't the usual swearing and cursing until Steve sorted it out cold, it wasn't even that manageable 'I can tough it out' cold. To Bucky, it was the cold he was so awfully familiar with. The one that paced the depths of his thoughts, the one that never had the courage to terrorize him unless he was asleep.  
  
It was the cold that had claimed Bucky when he'd fallen off the train. The one that had held him in it's wintry grasp as he knew he was going to die. Numbing, the same feeling Steve would have had as he watched Bucky fall. A cold, a basis of cold that would branch to the cryotube freezing, a basis injection that started off the reaction.  
  
Once more it was a cold that held him in place, and he stood under the spray, eyes wide until there was a small knock on the door.  
  
"Buck, you've been in there twenty minutes, everythin' alright?"  
  
It snapped him back to himself. Bucky tried and failed to slam the water off twice before he managed to get his hands to respond. He didn't register what the incessant noise was until he had stepped out of the shower, pulled the towel around his waist and faced himself in the mirror. It was his teeth, clacking so loudly against one another that it sounded like symbols colliding in his mind. He started to the door, not wanting Steve to worry, but he hadn't taken into account that his near-hypothermic state, his blue lips and shaking frame, would be cause enough for Steve.  
  
The door opened from the other side, and Bucky flinched.  
  
"Bucky? What the hell?" Steve asked, only in shorts, having not gotten around to pulling on a shirt. He took in his friend, sopping hair and shaking, goosebumps and all. He got no response from the brunet only a blank stare and he couldn't even begin to decipher it.  
"Have you just been standing in the cold shower this whole time?"  
  
Bucky couldn't find his voice, not in that moment, and looking at the way Steve worried, how the panic for him was growing in his eyes, Bucky _knew_ he needed to say something, had to make that expression stop, but he couldn't. His scarred shoulder was spiking in pain, telling him something was so very wrong, and each cold droplet was like a needle pin prick into his skin. All he could do was stare, but his mind was spinning.  
  
Steve was worried because he might be losing Bucky to the asset again. Steve was worried because Bucky had been lost before, and a situation like this might push him over the edge. Steve was worried because Bucky had the means of killing him, if he felt so inclined. Steve was worried, because his Bucky could be gone at any moment, and for god’s sake he couldn't go through that again.  
  
Bucky found himself walking forward. Steve's posture became defensive, but Bucky's arms were too far around him for any action to be taken. Bucky's prosthetic was almost painfully cold against his shoulder, Bucky's skin wasn't much better. Steve was stuck in place until he realized that what was happening was a hug. With zero hesitation he slid his arms around Bucky, pulling him closer, not saying a word. If Bucky wanted a hug, Bucky was going to get one.  
  
Bucky felt his chest grow tight, and the words were right in his throat. It was almost like Steve was subconsciously trying to draw them out. Bucky was still shivering, clutching to as much of Steve as he could manage, holding him for the times that he couldn't reach far enough.  
  
It was when the silence had become so heavy that Bucky almost couldn't breathe that there was a noise to shatter it. A hissing, rushed whisper from Bucky that was muffled by Steve's skin.  
  
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'll always be so fucking sorry."

 


End file.
